01 Ephesus: It's Intimacy or Nothing

Copyright © 2019 by Michael A. Brown
Keeping our Passion for Jesus Fresh
To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:
“These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance.  I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false.  You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.  Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen!  Repent and do the things you did at first.  If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.  But you have this in your favour: You hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.
He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.” (Rev. 2:1-7)



SCANDAL – the intended bride of Christ in Ephesus has lost her first love for her betrothed!
Much like a marriage relationship that has become dry and cold. Gone are the earlier days when the relationship was close, warm, intimate and passionate, when the two partners were one in spirit and looked forward every day to being with one another.  When they were together, time did not seem to exist; they could linger together for hours, never wanting to be parted.  The inward fire of their love saw them through many difficulties.  However, the two partners slowly got used to giving themselves to the humdrum demands of daily living, going to work, working long hours, and fulfilling their tasks and responsibilities at home.  And then the children came along as well, truly a great joy, but it simply added to the busyness and stress of their lives...
      They were a good couple in many ways but, over time, this all slowly but surely took its toll on the intimacy of their union, and it brought coldness and distance into their relationship.  Intimacy was neglected, perhaps a little at first but then increasingly.  So now they have become too busy and too tired to spend quality time with each other.  They go to bed exhausted only to get up the next day and go through the same demanding schedule again.  They have become like the proverbial ships that pass in the night.  And so it continues on...
      Then one day they suddenly wake up to the fact that what they used to have seems to be no more.  There is little or no emotional warmth between them, hardly any feelings, and everything seems to have gone cold.  They are drifting apart.  They now take each other for granted, even in what they do for each other.  They seem to be spending more time apart than they do together.  Living together has become nothing more than a dull, lifeless and unending routine of daily demands.
Losing our passion for God through neglecting intimacy with him
      It can be the same with God…  We are told that the first commandment, the one which we are to keep above all the others, is to love the LORD our God with all our heart, with all our soul and with all our strength (Deut. 6:5).  God’s design and purpose has always been to bring people into a committed covenant love relationship with himself.  It is this that he wants, and he yearns for it above all things.
      These believers in Ephesus, the bride of Christ, had much to commend them as a church.  Indeed they enjoyed a widespread reputation as being wholly devoted to God.[1]  Their love for God had seen them through many hardships (2:3).  However, they had become too busy for God…  They had neglected intimacy with him, so they had lost this.  They were working hard (2:2), but it is true that spending too much time working and toiling invariably takes its toll on relationships.  They hadn’t noticed or admitted to themselves that their love for Christ had grown cold.
      Furthermore, it seems they were becoming become doctrinaire.  Ignatius tells us that this community of believers in Ephesus had a reputation of being very well-taught, that no false doctrine or immoral lifestyle could take root among them (2:2,6; cf. Acts 20:28-31).[2]  But being valiant for truth, necessary as this is, does not in and of itself keep us close to God.  We can be orthodox and correct in our doctrine and we can live rightly before others, but we may have little or no love (1 Cor. 13:1-3).  To use the example of Bunyan’s characters in Pilgrim’s Progress, we need to be both Mr. Valiant-for-Truth and Mr. Great Heart.[3]
      Through neglecting it, these believers had lost their once warm, passionate relationship with God.  It had become dry, distant and cold.  However, as I said above, God wants and desires relationship with us above all other things.  It is this that we were created and redeemed for.  We were redeemed to live in union with God and to love him, not merely to serve him and work for him.  And it is living in his love that meets our deepest needs.  When these believers lost their first love for him – in fact, it even says that they had forsaken it (2:4) – God took this so seriously that he warned them that if they continued on like this, then he would close their church down by removing its lampstand.  This is how serious this issue is for God.
      The root of all backsliding is forsaking our first love.  Either we learn the lesson of living in heart-warming intimacy and walking with him closely, and reaping the benefits of this by keeping our faith fresh and alive (and thereby keeping our church alive too), or else we eventually lose what we have in God.  It is spiritual freshness that brings life and causes things to flower and bloom, but dryness kills off spiritual life...
      God says that if we do not want him in intimacy, then ultimately we cannot really have him at all.  With God, it’s either intimacy or nothing.  An empty, dry, stale marriage is as bad as an empty shell of a church that has lost its fire, zeal and intimacy with God.  In this state, it is not fit for its intended purpose.  Couples whose marriage has gone dry begin to drift apart and the end result is often separation and divorce, the ending of the covenant commitment they promised to one another in their vows at the very beginning.
      Marriages can only survive and be what they are intended to become, if true, intimate and meaningful love is nurtured and survives.  But for this to happen, the couple has to commit themselves to doing what is necessary to regain the love they have lost.  They have to return to doing what they did at first.  And it is recovering intimacy which is the key to this.  Saying sorry, coming together and dating again, making the time and space to spend quality time alone together, making love once more, committing to putting into place a right balance between work, home, family and marriage responsibilities, and so on...
      It is no different with God.  Our love for him and our desire to spend quality time with him is far more important to him than our work for him will ever be.  We tend to get so easily distracted by other things and by schedules which demand priority that we simply become too busy (even in God’s work).  We lose our intimacy with God, because we do not value or prioritize it.
      Church was never intended to be primarily about the program that we run every week or the other activities that we do.  In the first place, it is about God himself.  We are the Bride of Christ, so God wants real, genuine, close relationship with us above all other things. He yearns jealously to have us for himself (Jas. 4:5, cf. Ex. 20:5-6). When we are born again and filled with the Holy Spirit, we are brought into deep, inner, spiritual union with God himself:
‘…he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him is spirit.’
(1 Cor. 6:17)
      So our first call as believers is to love him, to worship him and to live with him in intimacy, and then to do his work and the rest of our daily activities.  If the freshness of love for God is within us, then we will be blessed in what we do for him.
Re-establishing our intimacy with God
      The theme of desire, passion and strongly expressed feelings runs throughout this letter to the church at Ephesus.  Scholars tell us that the word ‘Ephesus’ may well derive from a root word meaning ‘desirable.’  The letter refers to such things as the passion of first love, a lack of tolerance of wicked people and a hatred of free sexual relationships, and the promise of paradise as the place of living eternally in close fellowship with God.
      Jesus presents himself to them as One walking among the lampstands of the churches (2:1), seeking fellowship with those whose hearts will respond to him (cf. 2 Chr. 16:9), with those who will devote themselves to be close to him (Jer. 30:21).  We can perhaps detect the pain and disappointment of his heart when he says plainly that in spite of all they are doing for him, yet he holds something against these people whom he loves deeply.  Open, plain, honest and direct speaking in the uncovering of deep, inner feelings and desires is the language of marriage and intimacy known only to those who have walked closely together in love.  He can say it to them, because they should know that, painful as it is to hear it, yet it is meant in love and expresses the yearning cry of his heart for their good.  We are more likely to receive truthful rebuke and respond to it constructively if we know that the one who says it loves us.  He calls them back to what they had known before:
‘I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the desert, through a land not sown.  Israel was holy to the LORD, the firstfruits of his harvest.’
(Jer. 2:2-3)
      So we need to re-establish our intimacy with God.  We have lost our spiritual freshness and vibrancy, and we may be jaded and tired. We have lost our spirit of praise and faith.  In our hearts, we feel cold and far from God, even though we may be doing his work.  Our devotional life is weak and inconsistent.  In church meetings it seems like we are just going through the motions, everything has become dull and lifeless.  We may even have become so self-deceived that we think that everything is actually okay, that if we are doing his work with seeming success then he must necessarily be pleased with the way things are, much as the husband who thinks everything is running smoothly and is so surprised when his wife suddenly bursts out one day and is distressed because intimacy between them has been drying up for a while, and he didn’t even notice it happening.
      So it’s about coming back to God and drawing close to him, repenting and confessing our sin of coldness and the things that have brought it about, firmly resolving to do away with things that keep us too distracted or too busy, and committing ourselves to making the time and space to be able to be with him regularly for quality time together and to linger in his presence, in order to refresh the intimacy of our spiritual union with him.  Relaxing quietly with his word and taking our time over it so that it once again speaks deeply into our spirits, drinking deeply at the fountain of his presence, praising and worshipping freely and openly in spirit and in truth, praying in the Spirit and allowing the Spirit’s presence and peace to well up from within, so that our hearts are warmed and living water flows through us once again – doing the things we did when we first became believers and were living close to God.  And then committing ourselves to keeping to this pattern on a regular basis, realising that it really is the most important thing we can ever do, as only then can our faith be kept fresh and alive and our work for God remain effective and fruitful over the longer term.  Not wanting to lose her beloved, the bride got up and went in search of him.  And when she found him, she would not let him go (cf. Song 1:7-8, 3:1-5, 5:2-8)…
      Overcoming in this way brings us into renewed fellowship with God and into the promise of eating from the tree of life in the paradise of God (2:7), much as the first couple walked with God among the trees in the garden (Gen. 3:8, cf. Song 6:2-3).  It is a picture of the secret, inner life of sharing together which intimacy in relationship brings.
      However, not being willing to keep regularly to this pattern simply means that we potentially condemn ourselves to losing this intimacy again and ending up where we were before.  And so the heart of our relationship with God will remain unstable...  Unstable relationships do not know a life of inner, secret sharing together and they tend to remain superficial.  Much as a married couple that recognise their problem and become intimate again for a while, but then allow themselves through the pressures of life to become too busy yet again for each other, and so the same downward spiral in their relationship begins all over again.
      To be effective as God’s people on earth, we need to be living in the fire, love and passion of a close, fresh, intimate relationship with God.  It is fire, passion and presence that bring fruit and blessing.  All our effectiveness and fruitfulness for God flow out of our intimacy with him.  To be effective for him, we need to be with him consistently.  Furthermore, we will only truly love our neighbour, if we love God first.  We cannot minister to others in the fire and love of God, if we are not on fire and in love with God ourselves.  Our relationship with God and our work for him have to find their right balance.  Continuing to serve tables is no good if it means that we cannot give ourselves firstly to prayer and the ministry of the word (cf. Acts 6:2-4).  First things must come first and, with God, first things really do have to be kept as the first things.
      If we carry on as a church in our dry spiritual state and our busyness, disregarding the call of the Spirit to repent and come back to a place of intimacy with God, then the Lord himself eventually leaves.  The church’s future depends on our love for him.  A marriage cannot continue on and on in a dry state without separation occurring sooner or later.  So we will find ourselves without the presence and blessing of God in the life of our church, and its spiritual life will wither and die away.
      Although a believer as an individual can always repent and return to intimacy with God, yet the call of this letter is made to the church as a local body.  An outward form, an empty shell may remain even for many years, but ultimately the church will close down.  Its lampstand – the light and life of God’s presence within it – was removed.  The removal of the lampstand is the ultimate end of a distanced relationship.  Jesus himself left and vacated the place, and our house was left unto us desolate (cf. Matt. 23:38).  He left because we did not want him.  He forsook us, because we first grieved him by forsaking him in our hearts and we did not then return to him when he called.  We did not learn to value intimacy with him (replacing it with any number of other things), so ultimately we lost him altogether.



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[1] Ignatius, Chapter VIII, Epistle to the Ephesians, Ante-Nicene Fathers.
[2] ibid., Chapter IX.
[3] Wilcock, M. The Message of Revelation, Leicester: IVP, 1989, p.44.

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